DSI Presses Charges Against Bill Gates

Thailand’s Department of Special Investigations (DSI) has launched an investigation into United States Billionaire Bill Gates for charges of money laundering and receiving stolen money. From 2009-2011 a series of cheques were authorized by the former chairman of Real Thai Credit Union (RTCU) to purchase over 10 billion baht in goods from a variety of stores. The funds used to purchase the goods were later traced to the embezzlement scheme.


Allegations against Mr. Gates emerged when 1 billion baht in purchases to Microsoft over 2009-2011 were linked to the embezzlement case, Gates is the founder of Microsoft. Mr. Gates has admitted that Microsoft did indeed sell the electronics to the chairman but has stated he did not know where the money came from. Microsoft has stated Mr. Gates could not know about the origin of the funds as the sales were processed by Microsoft's accounting department just like every single other large organization in the world.  


Once it was found out the money from the purchases from Microsoft by the former chairman were embezzled, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation agreed to return all the money from the illicit purchases linked to Microsoft to the credit union out of their own pocket, with Real Thai Credit Union (RTCU) then issuing a letter of appreciation to the foundation and dropping all charges. Regardless, DSI is still pursuing Mr. Gates, stating that “...since there is evidence of wrongdoing, we cannot drop the case even though all the money was returned”, a DSI representative told The Lemon.


The rest of the 9 billion baht was spent on numerous other goods traced to other organizations, such as Samsung, Apple, Boeing, and Tesla, the biggest expense was a private jet worth 3 billion baht from Boeing. Interestingly enough DSI has not bothered to pursue charges against any of the other recipients of the illicit cheques.


The Lemon inquired about this curious decision to DSI. DSI officials stated they are pursuing all cases legally and fairly, they are just focusing on the Gates case first even though most of the aforementioned recipients of funds received much more of the illicit funds than Microsoft.


The ongoing case has sparked much tension in the world, US presidential candidate Donald Trump affirms that American company Microsoft is innocent and has stated he has no plans to extradite Gates.

Prominent Microsoft critic Dr. Mano Laohavanich has also gone public about the case against Gates. Dr. Mano is a self-proclaimed Microsoft expert, acclaimed by a total of two people including himself for his expertise on all things Microsoft. Laohavanich had but this to say about the Microsoft:


Despite having no association with the victim credit union whatsoever, Dr. Mano has called himself “a champion for the members of RTCU” and “a hero for the downtrodden” for his aggressive pursuit of Mr. Gates in the case. The chairman of RTCU has stated that he and the board do not approve of his activities however.


The chairman of RTCU left The Lemon with this statement regarding the case against Gates: “Seriously?! Drop this case!!! They returned the money already!! What part of WE DROP THE CHARGES do you people not understand!?!? We are still out 9 billion frickin baht!! Stop focusing on the ONE group that returned our money and get the other 90% of our stolen money back!!! Our former chairman bought a lot of frickin things from lots of different companies!!”


Self-proclaimed Microsoft expert Dr. Mano has stated that DSI must pursue Gates swiftly, as extraditing Gates will be impossible as he plans to skip dimensions. Dr. Mano has stated that the Windows logo for Microsoft is really an interdimensional portal Gates can use to escape dimensions to flee prosecution. Mano’s claims against Microsoft is supported by exactly one other person, the aliens guy from Ancient Aliens. Mr. Aliens Guy made this statement regarding Mano’s claims that Gates will skip dimensions before trial in his windows portal:



The ongoing case against Gates has been highly publicized in the Thai media, with many outlets writing stories about the case without even bothering to send reporters. The Bangkok Post had this to say about their portrayal of the case, “the fact of the matter is, there is no evidence that sending reporters helps with reporting news, it is much better to just take random photographs we find on google of the most recent story, watermark it, and then write a story we think is accurate” says B. Sivarnavich, an employee of The Bangkok Post.



This article is strictly satiricalBill Gates is not under investigation by DSI. This article may or may not use real names, and some parts may be presumed fiction or fake. Any resemblance to a real life situation may or may not be coincidental. Please use your common sense when reading this article. 

The Lemon section of Dhammakaya Uncovered is intended for a mature, sophisticated, and sensible audience.